Went to prom

I went to prom, I looked gorgeous.
EDIT: Pics or it didn't happen:

Life as I may know it.

This is from my other blog, but I'm deleteing my other blog and moving  it here.


A short story about a point in my life.

I graduated the sixth grade with no friends, but I was twelve years old and that didn't bother me much. To be totally honest I thought I had friends, but I served no purpose to them except to give them someone to passively-agrressively make fun of or have run around for them. I worked tirelessly to gain their approval, even though somewhere I knew that they wanted to look good and date boys and "hang out" while I still wanted to play pretend and pokemon. Still, they were all I had, and I clung to them like glue as I graduated that day. We took pictures and laughed and smiled and reminisced about the "Good 'old times". Yeah, good my ass. The conversation went a lot like this:
        "Remember when Camryn sneezed a big boogie onto the table in third grade?"
I laughed and pretended not to be embarrassed, like it was all in the past now.
"Yeah, that was almost a gross and funny as every time she blew her nose"
        I again, waved my hand in a way that signified "That used to bother me everyday and make me feel like an outcast, but when you put it like that, it's hilarious" and smiled, determined to make the best of my big graduation day.
Despite my so called friends, my sixth grade graduation was a big deal. I was picked to sing our national anthem to open the ceremony. One by one I watched all the people I had grown up with get a diploma saying they'd succeeded. One kid from another class made a big deal of going up to get his piece of paper with a loud and enthusiastic "OH YEAHH!" but otherwise it was a typical event. I won an award for being an upstanding citizen and I looked like a sweet little girl in my pretty blue dress. I was confident that day.

            I don't remember much about the summer that followed. I'm sure there was a flurry of "She's so grown up" and "Straight A's. How wonderful" and "She's looking like a lovely young lady." For the most part, I agreed, but looking back I was most certainly not blossoming into a lovely young lady. I was tall for a girl, with long gangly arms and legs, flyway frizzy hair that I was too lazy to figure out how to fix, like the rest of the girls my age, and teeth that screamed for braces. Not to mention my classic nerd glasses, but by then they had just become part of my face. I was acne less for a while, my one redeeming quality, but that wouldn't last long into junior high when puberty finally hit full force. I was over opinionated and loud, with a hate on for politicians, Christians, and anyone else who would tell me I didn't know everything. I would have been the most annoying thing in the neighborhood had it not been for the fact that I spent most of my time inside playing video games and browsing the blossoming internet.
        In the middle of the summer I went to week long sleep away camp and made tons and tons of friends. There was such a diversity of kids there it was easy to find some with similar interests as me, as opposed to school where I was confined to the same class of twenty people for six hours a day. Unfortunately for me none of the friends I made at camp were anywhere near my school, some lived hours away from my hometown. We vowed to keep in touch through the internet and MSN messenger (c) but like most camp friends, we never really did.
   In September, school started again, and despite my obviously lovable personality, proved by all the people I had befriended away from home, I entered Junior high in the shadow of the people who I'd known for so long,

Six Billion Secrets

"I gazed through a pane of glass
and saw an unfamiliar creature.
I threw a nearby rock at it,
shattering the mirror"


              Lol, I think things up in the shower, like this. I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am, and who I was, and sometimes it feels like I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes it's okay though. Sometimes I need to look in the mirror and actually talk directly at myself, as if the girl in the mirror is someone else, and I'm still who I've always been.

              Sometimes though, it feels like I'm everything I've ever been, completely, albeit struggling for coherency. Everything I am clashes a little bit sometimes, but in those moments, I'm certain it will all come together fine in the end. That's kind of a central theme in my life "Everything will work out in the end" and so far, it has.

On a real life note. MATH EXAM IS OVER, FUCK YES. NO MORE FECKING QUADRATIC FORMU- oshit.
I just realized what I wrote, and it's got a silly hidden meaning/inside joke.

But seriously, I finished a 3 HOUR  math exam today. Shit was not cash, but now summer is a whopping  two days away and I, am a happy camper.

Happy camping.

RANDOM
STARTREK
GIF
GOGOGO.

Not quite ready for sleep yet

I JUST WROTE A WHOLE FUCKING BLOG ABOUT HOW MUCH I CARE AND THEN I ACCIDENTALLY THE WHOLE THING.


I think the universe is telling me to sum it all up so I can sleep.
So I'm going to do it.
I'm just going to
Write it in plain language. 


I cried because I cared, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to be able to take all the pain away and leave the good times.
I couldn't stop crying because I care so much. so much. I care. I love. I love. I love.
And It scares me so much, because I don't have anything to compare it to. I don't know how real this is, but it feels really real.


None of it means any sense without context. I had some more context in, but I accidentally backspaced it... then the draft saved immediately afterwards.


I love.


It's midnight, I need to sleep. 

Llama Ryhmes With Drama

FINALLY, Blogger was being a jerk and not loading the composition box properly, I was starting to get frustrated.
Also, because It seems firefox has given up on the wonders of spell check, I'm blogging from google chrome.
I love google chrome for it's fast work-ocity, but not for it's for "collecting all your informationlol". Oh well, privacy in these times is merely an illusion (remind me to blog about privacy)
But I promised you a tale of high drama for today, so high drama there will be... Sort of.
See, I kind of feel guilty for running of my mouth on my blog about one specific person, even if no names will be said, just because I know If I start writing, I'll just keep writing and shit will get out of hand.

       But what the heck ever, I need to get some shit off my chest. If you actually know me IRL, you've probably heard this rant.

         Don't you hate it when you do nearly nothing of consequence wrong, and someone flips the fuck out and decides to block you out of their lives. Like, so there's this one person, right. And I said some stuff about their boyfriend right, but the thing is, I said it to her face, and also, directly to her boyfriend (not to his face, because, you know, I don't like him all that much) so she knew I said it, and didn't even tell me to lay off. Not at all. Then, all of a sudden, something changes (like I made a decision that she didn't agree with or something, I'm not entirely sure) and then BAM I've been blocked by her on facebook (after she left a rather rude comment that I couldn't reply to even if I wanted to) and she's talking about how much of a bitch I am, talking about things that happened months ago that she didn't have any problem with months ago, but for some reason, matter now.
          Anyways, the stupidity blows my mind, and I really don't want to deal with it anymore, but my problem is that if she showed up and apologized and then acted like it had never happened, I would probably accept her as a friend again, because I'm a big fucking softy and I have no backbone. Also, because I still care about her, I don't know about you, but I can't stop caring overnight. Gosh.

ANYWAYS, THAT WAS LIFE DRAMA, NOTHING TO SEE HERE, MOVE ALONG, MOVE ALONG.