My eye is twitching.

Warning, BAWW ahead, sorta. It's a Hex type of BAWWW though. It's a little more self reflective, and it's punctuated with periods of insight. At the end of it all though, I look back and feel like an emo kid.

It's been twitching since my free period.
Harold keeps asking me if I'm okay.
I'm starting to wonder, I'm not... really, you know, today.
I thought I was okay.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I"ve been thinking about a lot of different things lately.
Like for one thing: Philosophy. We're talking philosophical in english class. That's, you know, pretty deep shit. Making me think, about life, and reality. That stuff doesn't really bother me though, whether or not we're real. It never has. It's just interesting, not stress-making.
My eye just twitched again.
Also: sex. How can one thing be so taboo but so mainstream at the same time? Sex sells, be sexy, the porn industry. But some places in the states they're still teaching abstenince only education. It's considered inapropriate to walk around public discussing your sex life.

My life's been going non-stop for months now, and summer's just around the corner. Burnout, maybe.
I think my life just reached a point, a line if you will, where I need to just stop, step back and observe the situation so I can have a good summer. I find myself back to feelings of doubt and powerlessness. Frusrration.

I'm not okay.

Oooh, Shiny.

Look at that, all, "Web TwoPointOh" and shit. Because I'm super cool and up on the times with the shiny buttons and the XML code and those feeed things.

Just in case anyone is wondering, this is what happens when you finish your Multimedia final project two weeks before school ends. You start making up your own projects, like PIMP MAH BLOG. *headdeskheaddesk*

It's wednesday, and I'm working, which sucks, but It means I get my weekends off, YAY.
Summer's closer, but not by much.

I had a super cool long weekend, however. My parents were out of town all weekend so I invited Harold, CBAT and Spud (Who I'm pretty sure I've named before as a member of "The Group") And we partied stayed up 'till three in the morning having sex playing video games.

Yes. I am that cool, I have my entire house to myself and I play video games, and eat periogies. Like really. All those other teenagers think they're cool with their boozin' and their loud music and their bedrooms upstairs "reeseved", but none of them are having half the fun that I'm having. Great people, Castle Crashers and Perogies is all I need.

On that note, the fun stuff I'm posting today is

1. The forest entrance music from Castle Crashers, great music to eat perogies to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tUBK0zUpSs

And

2. This little animated gif of Suicune

FIC CAM

She wondered if she could be more open and honest if she wrote in the third person, like she was writing a story of sorts. She wondered.
She was plopped down on her bed, her laptop on her lap at 11:03 pm. It was a Thursday. A part of her brain willed her to go back to sleep, now that she had finished washing herself and her clothes. She didn't want to sleep just yet, however, she wanted to write a bit first. Just a teensy bit about her life and how it unfolded. She considered gussying it up a bit to make it seem more exciting then it really was, but she decided against it in the end.

Her day had passed pretty much uneventful, an average day at school, albeit a particularly slow one. Her few highlights of her academic hours past had been her free period, where she played (More like faillled D :) Starcraft with her friends, and lunch, when she played D&D with the same friends and more.

She hadn't bothered with her hair today, and even slacked on the clothing department, opting for a messy ponytail hidden under a hat, and an aging tank top hidden under a sweater. This was due in part to the fact that she had been up late the night before with her best friend, and in part to the fact that she assumed she wasn't going to see him today. She didn't like to admit it, but in the soft glow of her nightstand light, she felt like she could type it up.

She had seen him today however, first, as she entered her place of work. He was leaving with a few friends of theirs. Out searching for ways to make money and places to spend that money on. She expected that to be all she saw of him today, and hummed "A Kiss To Build A Dream On" to herself as she worked. She remarked that the only reason she knew the song was because it played in the opening and ending sequences of Fallout 2. In 1998 she had spent many a day watching her parents search out the fabled vault 13.

She saw him again when he showed up at her place of work, determined to sit out the hours until she was off.
"I don't get off for another two hours!" she said, sitting on a book stool, a book with a call number of 649.xxx was halfway to it's cataloged location, frozen in her hand.
"So?" He said. She laughed and offered to sign him into a computer.

When work was over, they both piled into her mother's car and back to her place, where they promptly lay down and fell asleep. They slept just long enough for him to miss his bus home.

Sitting with her laptop 20 minutes later, she reread her story, and didn't speak. She didn't like how the last lines would seem like an outright lie to anyone who didn't know her. Despite the fact that they were impeccably true and also completely plausible. She figured that people reading would think that she had inserted "sleeping" as substitute for something much more explicit. She smirked and shook her head. Sleeping is awesome. 


She thought also that she should mention her best friend, who she had shared kraft dinner and perogies with today. Her best friend who recently said something out loud that She herself was never strong enough to admit when she was in a similar situation. She smiled and mimed holding up a glass in toasting motion. "A toast!" she thought "To Harold Q Poppinjay, My best friend and a strong person."


She realized that neither person mentioned in this blog would read it, and she was okay with that. She was ready to sleep.

Summer, hurry up.

Kid at The library: "Blogger Seems weird"
Hex: "You just write about your life, It's like a journal, but public. Maybe if you're interesting enough, people will read it."
My blog is like a memoir as it happens. things show up and I blog about them I don;t blog very regulary anymore, and I've never blogged about a specific topic before, 'cept for that one time I blogged about privacy, lol.

So, May is half over. Exams will be in a month, and frankly, I can't wait. Summer can't get here fast enough. I want it. These last few weeks will be hell.
My only issue is that the comming of summer means that my grade eleven year is over, and I'm offcially a senior in high school. That means I'm precariously close to the begining of the rest of my life. As anyone who's relativley normal would know, that's pretty scary. Especially when you don't have a plan. I usually have a plan for everything. This. I don't have. (Though, it wouldn't be the first thing)

I'm trying not to think about it or stress out. They say that youth is wasted on the young, and I'm trying my damn hardest not to waste a single moment. These are the days they say we'll never forget, and goddamnit, I don't want to forget them. Stressing out is just a reason to want to forget.

So bring on the summer, bring on the sun.
Bring on the lake and the tents and long days.
Fill them with ice cream, or frozen yogurt or sorbet.
Let stress and the rest of the world come undone.

I LIEK'D YUR BLOG.

She said it in the same "DO YOU HAVE FACEBUUK?" type of voice.
And at first I was embarrassed, because, MY FEELINGS AND STUFF. But I knew she would read it, because I got her addicted to blogging, methinks.
And I'm glad, Betty's a good person to have reading your blog.

Tomorrow's friday and I'm really happy because it's the end of the week and I get to see CBAT after he's been out of school and I get to hang out with CBAT and Harold after school and watch Pushing Daisies (Which I found out is a great show... just a little too late, like, six months after they cancelled it D : ) And my other best friend (who I just realized does not have a codename yet, but I'll call her screwy because she has a blog too, and that relates) So Screwy might show up after her orientation at work and we'll make 5 minute chocolate cake and see if we all fit in my bed and be happy.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say that I have so much fun sober. I don't know why teenagers my age need alcohol, when you can have this much fun sober. Drugs are bad mmmkay. *srs face*

I'm happy, I just read Betty's blog on sex, and I agree on every point, so I'm going to link to it;
http://chaos-is-beautiful.blogspot.com/2010/05/sex-not-kidding-not-at-all.html TAH DURR, A LINK.


And now, for your enjoyment, a picture of me.
Sorta:


Now, If you'll excuse me, I'm off to save a word document of all my past facebook statuses, starting in 2008.
Then, I'm going to bed, G'night.

Not quite ready for sleep yet

I JUST WROTE A WHOLE FUCKING BLOG ABOUT HOW MUCH I CARE AND THEN I ACCIDENTALLY THE WHOLE THING.


I think the universe is telling me to sum it all up so I can sleep.
So I'm going to do it.
I'm just going to
Write it in plain language. 


I cried because I cared, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to be able to take all the pain away and leave the good times.
I couldn't stop crying because I care so much. so much. I care. I love. I love. I love.
And It scares me so much, because I don't have anything to compare it to. I don't know how real this is, but it feels really real.


None of it means any sense without context. I had some more context in, but I accidentally backspaced it... then the draft saved immediately afterwards.


I love.


It's midnight, I need to sleep. 

Hah hah!

So, I think the blogging craze has died down enough for me to start posting my deep dark secrets, hm?
Also, "Betty" just posted some pretty srs biz on her blog, and it got me in the mood.
Also, yesterday, I was at a song writing workshop, and I wrote some stuff down and came to a realization.
Secrets = Regrets.
I've kept things secret, and I have problems saying things sometimes, and I realize that I don't regret them, so why keep them a secret. It's dumb.
Also, saying things out loud doesn't make them real, thinking them makes them the most real that they can be.

That being said, I had a MARVELOUS FUCKING DAY YESTERDAY.
After freeing myself of some emotional bonds, A friend who lives far away came to visit. (Hereby referred to as Red) So Me and Harold And Red And CBAT all went downtown to traipse around a bit.
The following is a list of amazing things that happened.

• Harold wrote a song about beard envy with some help.
• CBAT and Red Licked slugs. (Well, the same slug)
• We walked into a mall, where all the shops were closed, CBAT jumped up and ran around on the fountain, The security guard lady came over the P.A and said "GET OFF THE FOUNTAIN"
• Ran into someone after mentioning them and other coincidences. (aka, Universe approves)
• Strawberry Rhubarb Tarts

And some other stuff.

Anyways, deepdarksecret tim- wait, just a sec. deep dark secrets postponed until after I announce my excitableness about

HALO, FUCKING REACH. It looks so good, gaah, I'm pumped.

Ehehm, At anyrate, yesterday, after a fabulous day, I have never felt more in love. (which isn't hard, really, but you know what I mean.)

NOW, GO READ BETTY'S BLOG BECAUSE SHE'S MUCH MORE INTERESTING AND MORE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT HER FEELINGS THEN ME.

http://chaos-is-beautiful.blogspot.com/